We have all heard how important it is to take care of our health and well-being. And we understand intuitively that we're no good to anyone else if we’re running on empty.

But it can feel self-indulgent or impractical to put our needs at the top of the ”to-do” list - or even add them at all - because there’s so much other stuff demanding our attention.

I know it's felt downright impossible to me at many points in my life - especially during the early days of the pandemic when I was suddenly surrounded by my family 24-7.

I've often cried out in frustration (to no one in particular), "What about me? When I do I get to sit around and do nothing / play LEGO or video games / sleep in?"

And yet, when my husband would offer me the chance to go back to bed or tell me to stop tidying and go play with the kids, I'd immediately get defensive: "It's not that easy! I can't just DO that!"

Indeed. Behind the "no time" refrain, I've noticed, sits a deep belief that I'm responsible for everything.

It's taken me a very long time, and a lot of suffering, to realize that a great deal of the burden I carry in terms of responsibilities is voluntary. Meaning, it's stuff outside of my control which I've chosen to take on.

For example, here are a few of the things I'd unconsciously put on my to-do list:

Creating the ideal home environment (to ensure we're all calm, well-rested, happy, free from distraction, etc.)
Worrying about my now nine-year old's mental health in high school
Being the person everyone can rely on so I never disappoint anyone

Each of these things drained my mental energy AND created an endless number of to-dos trying to ensure an outcome I can't possibly guarantee.

The hard truth is: I can't guarantee my kid's future, or other people's health, well-being or productivity, or what people think of me. I can only hope to positively influence these things.

The same goes for believing it falls to us to "save the world". We can't control what happens. We can only hope to positively influence it in some way.

But we can’t make much of an influence - on raising the next generation of leaders, or creating justice and equality for all, or cooling the planet - when we are anxious, exhausted and depleted.

The only thing we can truly control is ourselves.

So when our focus shifts to taking responsibility for things we truly can control - our health, well-being, fulfillment - then we feel better, show up better for the ones we love and serve, and can take effective action in influencing positive change in the world around us.

This is why I started The Oxygen Mask project.

I want to build evidence that showing up for ourselves first has the powerful ripple effects we're after.
I want to gather countless examples of "how" we can put our needs first so it feels more achievable.
And I want to bring together a community to explore all of this and support one another on our journeys.

My dream for you - for all of us - is that you let go of "all the things" that you can't control which have been added to your plate...

...and focus your time energy and attention instead on what you can do right now to feel better mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually.

Because showing up for yourself first will have positive ripple effects into the areas you wish you could control.

So, I invite you to take a good hard look at what makes it onto your “to-do’ list. Here are a few questions to help you do that:

What expectations do you have of yourself and the kind of person you should be? ie. what is your definition of the "Ideal" Mother, Teacher, Activist, [fill in the blank]...
What tasks get added to your list in trying to meet those expectations?
Which of those tasks feel "heavy" and would you happily abandon if you could?
What would life FEEL like if you let go of a few of those unwanted tasks and did something that fills your cup instead?

Here's to YOU being at the top of your list.

P.S. The Oxygen Mask project has begun! Sign up any time in May to receive the emails with behind-the-scenes stories of how busy people care for themselves. And come be part of a community of like-minded people who "get" how hard self-care is - join the pop-up Facebook group to exchange thoughts, ideas and experiences, and feel supported on your journey.