deliberate
adjective1 Done consciously and intentionally.
2 Careful and unhurried.
2.1 Fully considered; not impulsive.~ Oxford Dictionary
If you're like me, you might pause at the word "deliberate" being used in the wider context of your Life. At first, the idea of consciously choosing how to experience my life seemed exciting yet incredibly hard to imagine.
In the past, I often felt I was 'running on a treadmill', trying to deal with an incredibly demanding job, a mountain of daily tasks, plenty of obligations and projects, and later, all that goes along with caring for a baby. I felt resentful of all that prevented me from taking time for myself, following my passions, and nurturing the important relationships in my life.
Whenever I start to feel like life is happening “to me”, I often re-read The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey. I still remember the first time I read it, as it was a huge a-ha moment for me. It was the first time I really understood that I ALWAYS have the power to choose.
In explaining the first habit, "Be Proactive", Covey points out that "responsible" is made up of "response" and "able". In other words, we are able to choose our response in any given moment. That means, when we opt for spending time in front of the TV, we are also choosing not to work on our favourite hobby that renews us.
Even more empowering, in my opinion, is that we can also choose how we feel about what we do or don't do. We can choose to feel resentful when someone asks for a favour, or we can feel grateful for the opportunity to help out and nurture a relationship. We can let someone's behaviour or comments annoy the heck out of us, or let it "roll off our backs." We can choose to feel defeated by a bad turn of events, or choose to look for the gift in it.
In the next habit, "Begin with the End in Mind," Covey leads the reader through the uncomfortable task of envisioning one's own funeral. Imagining what you want people to say about you provides a clear road map for the kind of person you choose to be today and how you decide to spend your time.
The third habit, "Put First Things First", gets you to take stock of the things that matter the most to you -- your values -- and it shows you how to make choices based on putting those things first, even when faced with other conflicting obligations and events.
The first three habits lead to Independence and are the foundation for living a Deliberate Life. The next four habits foster Interdependence -- which I won't get into today -- and allow you to deepen your relationships and pursue your life purpose.
Pretty powerful stuff, huh? Over the years, I think I have re-read those first three habits at least a dozen times. Every time, I work hard to put the habits into practice, and they change my life significantly.
Each choice you make in service of what matters to you is one deliberate step along the path you want for your life.
You always have a choice in how to respond to what life gives you.
Photo credit: "Fork in the road" by Wonderlane is licensed under CC BY 2.