Have you ever sensed the universe is trying to send you a message?

Yesterday, I had that experience.

On my bike ride home, I decided to stop at the coffee shop a block from my house. After sitting and relaxing for awhile, I needed to get home, and so I began walking alongside my bike, steering with one hand while precariously holding the coffee cup in the other hand (and trying hard not to spill the liquid gold down my leg!)

About halfway down the block, I suddenly felt the sharp pain of the pedal scrape my calf. Ouch!

I took a breath to ease the pain then kept walking, still balancing the coffee and trying to steer. A minute later, it happened again. Ugh! Double ouch!

As I limped to my gate and cautiously maneuvered my way through, it happened a third time - and I had the sudden flash of recognition: Oh, this is a metaphor for my LIFE!

You see, for the past few weeks (ok, years) my Inner Critic has been repeatedly causing me pain by pointing out all the ways I'm not measuring up as a parent, partner, friend, family member, coach (and the list goes on).

It just loves to point out places where I'm stumbling, dropping the ball or failing miserably. It brings up the evidence and tells me, very matter-of-factly: "See? You just don’t have what it takes."

It's so convincing because it speaks in MY VOICE. I mistake it for being the authority.

I keep listening and believing what it tells me.

And the pain keeps increasing. In fact, it can become so debilitating at times that I can't seem to take a step forward.

Can you relate to this?

We all have an Inner Critic - this "voice of authority" - inside our head.

Sometimes we are aware of what it's saying to us because it stops us in our tracks and makes us question our decisions, doubt our dreams, feel like giving up, say yes to things we don't want because it's the "responsible" choice, etc.

Other times its voice flies under our radar like a song playing quietly in the background - and we don't know why we're feeling tense or anxious or resigned.

The verses might differ slightly for each of us but the chorus is essentially the same:

"You're not enough.
Who do you think you are?
Your voice won't matter.
You don't belong here."

Ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch. It just keeps hitting us and hurting us.

Are you cringing, tense or squirming in discomfort? It can be hard to hear the Inner Critic's messages out loud like this.

After all, we would never speak to someone we loved that way. And yet, we speak to ourselves this way all the time. It's so painful.

But we can do something about it.

Back to the pain-inducing bike-pedal metaphor:

I realized in that moment that I could move my body away from the bike pedal so it didn’t scrape me anymore. (I know...Genius.)

AND, I recognized that I could also create some distance from my Inner Critic so it stops hurting me.

How does one do that exactly?

Here are two ways:

Take regular pauses in our day to listen in.
Even sitting in stillness for 5 minutes a few times a day can do wonders for our mental & emotional well-being. It gives us a moment to turn inward, and notice our thoughts and their effect on us.
Label the Inner Critic as "It".
As soon as we notice thoughts that sound critical, judgy, finger-waggy, extreme, or unrealistic we dissociate ourselves from them by saying something like: "Oh - there It is again!" or "Hmm, my Inner Critic is being awfully harsh."

The "Inner Critic" is a mix of internalized messages we received growing up by the well-meaning people in our lives and culture. They were just trying to keep us safe and help us fit in with "our tribe."

These messages served their purpose in the short-term by keeping us alive and behaving appropriately... but they don't serve us in the long-term in becoming who we are meant to be. Separating our true Self from these messages is essential for our personal growth and spiritual evolution.

Viktor Frankl, an Austrian neurologist, psychologist and Holocaust survivor said:

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

When we quiet our mind and create space from these thoughts, we get the chance to discern that they are lies, old stories, and outdated "rules" holding us back.

And then we can choose kinder, more empowering thoughts to carry us forward. We can choose responses that are proactive and grow us.

As Einstein so wisely said: "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results."

What the universe was trying to tell me through that bike pedal was that I need to create space from what is hurting me.

That's my wish for you too. May you create some much-needed space from your Inner Critic today so you can hear the voice of your true Self.

It knows:

You are already enough AND you are becoming more.

Here's to taking steps forward, unhindered and free.