Imagine living in a world where there was no "Pass" or "Fail"...where if you didn't do well at something important, you simply got a "Not Yet." How might that change your outlook on trying the same thing again?
In her TED Talk, psychologist Carol Dweck tells of a high school in Chicago that would hand out the grade "Not Yet" if a student didn't pass a course. Hearing about these grades got Dweck thinking in a new way...and this led to ground-breaking research and her hugely influential book, MindSet.
Dweck describes two mindsets people can have:
In the 'fixed' mindset, we view our abilities - like intelligence, creativity, athleticism, musical talent, etc. - as innate and static. In other words, we believe we either 'have it', or we don't - and we see our abilities as part of our identity. So when we fail, we tend to feel we are a failure, and we can get discouraged and give up. People with a fixed mindset can spend a lot of energy trying to prove ourselves, seeking validation and obsessing over being perfect.
Conversely, in the 'growth' mindset, we believe abilities can be developed at any time if we put in the work, and they are completely separate from who we are at our core. We understand that we are always on a learning curve and our growth is still in progress. So if we don't perform as well, we learn from our errors, correct them, and work hard to keep improving.
Developing a growth mindset helps you thrive when the going gets tough
It's easy to see how operating from a growth mindset would make us happier and mentally healthier, and make success easier to attain.
However, Dweck cautions, because of our culture's tendency to put so much focus and rewards on our talents, grades, achievements, touchdowns, status, etc., so many of us are steeped in the fixed mindset.
The good news is that we can actually rewire our brains to foster a growth mindset! Dweck provides powerful techniques for doing this. They have proven success in schools all across North America and in organizations. They also have tremendous impact when we integrate them into our own self-talk:
Praise wisely – We must focus our praise on process, strategy, effort, focus, perseverance and improvement, such as "You worked really hard on this", "I can tell you spent a lot of time thinking that through" or "Your hard work is paying off". A focus on effort, especially in the face of setback, fosters resiliency.
Use Yet or Not Yet – When we phrase progress in this way, it gives people much more confidence, and it encourages more engagement and perseverance.
Use "Yes...AND" -- When we reframe our concerns, trouble-shooting, excuses, etc. in this way (vs. "Yes...BUT"), it forces our brains to think creatively and look at what's possible instead of just focusing on the negative. Embracing what's possible allows for forward momentum, and growth.
Teach that we can change our mindsets -- Our brains rewire every time we push ourselves out of our comfort zones and try something new! Dweck's studies have proven that when people know how their mindset is changed they actually increase their ability to perform better.
These techniques DO really work...As a former 'fixed mindset gal', I can attest to that! Truly, learning about the growth mindset and mindfully integrating these techniques into my thinking has been game-changing for me.
For one, I have noticed a huge difference in how I approach setbacks. I used to agonize about a failure for an uncomfortably long time, and then I'd come to the conclusion that I was just deeply flawed - and sometimes I'd give up. I now take a deep breath, analyze what went wrong and what I can do differently next time.....and then I let it go. It is so freeing.
There is so much power and possibility in the growth mindset. When we encounter big bumps in the road, they aren't proof that we're on the wrong road or not cut out for the ride, they are just part of our learning on our journey to become the best selves that we are meant to be.
Challenge: Write a list of things you haven't succeeded in doing that are currently getting you down and making you feel like a failure. For example, I haven't found a life partner. I haven't bought a house. I haven't lost the weight.
After each one, write YET.
Reread your list and notice what happens in your mind and your heart as you do. How do you feel? What's possible from this place of YET?