Do I take Door #1 or Door #2?
Photo credit: two doors by psyberartist is licensed CC BY 2.0
Which career should I pursue? Should I move to a different city or stay put? Which job offer is the better one? Are we better off to buy a new house or renovate an existing one?
These are just some of the hard choices I've had to make over the years, and some of them came with a fair bit of analyzing and agonizing, I'll admit! I'm sure you can think of similar choices that have kept you up at night.
Why are hard choices so hard? I recently came across this Ted Talk by Ruth Chang which answers this question. In it, she articulates the differences between hard and easy choices and points out some assumptions about decision-making which we have in our culture.
We can't assume, for instance, that two options in a hard choice are equal, because when we improve one slightly (eg. one job will now offer us more money), it doesn't make the choice any easier.
We also can't assume that two options in a hard choice can be compared so concretely, like numbers or objects can. They are based on values, like security, adventure, friendship, authenticity. In each scenario of a hard choice, we are being asked to choose some values over others. This can be really hard, especially when there are perceived trade-offs in other values that are important to us.
So what can we do when faced with a hard choice? Ruth says we can create reasons for ourselves. We can choose which choice we will BE FOR. And in doing so, we create the reasons for ourselves - the why. In this way, we are being deliberate about choosing, not choosing based on the reasons handed to us. We are being the author of our own lives in the space of hard choices.
Challenge: What hard choice are you struggling with these days?
Take a moment to focus on one alternative at a time, and for each, reflect on the question:
Could I BE FOR this choice? Can I imagine my life with me living as if it was true? When I see myself in this vision, how do I feel about it? Does it light me up? What about myself am I honouring in choosing this path? Or, what am I not honouring?