If I had to provide the essential theme of Adulthood it would be “Making Decisions and Being Responsible” That’s pretty much what we adults do all day long, isn’t it?
Even when we’re not consciously “making decisions”, we are still determining outcomes for ourselves based on our actions. Doing nothing, or not speaking up, IS an action – a choice that has consequences.
I know all of us have had tasks, projects or responsibilities that we hesitated to take on, but took on anyway. Maybe a committee at work, a school fundraiser, an extra shift, all the meal planning, a community event? I personally found myself the head of an event committee recently, which was more work than I’d wanted.
We take things on for many reasons: no one else was stepping forward, we wanted it done right, it would make someone happy, we liked the idea of it and just wanted to be in the know, it would make us look good… In any case, when the task or activity is not the right fit – ie. it’s not in line with our strengths and values – we can end up feeling stuck, over-committed, overwhelmed and resentful. Our lives get filled with stress, or ’emotional clutter’ as a result.
Here’s what the wise part of me knows to be true: ’Sucking it up’, ‘going it alone’, and ’feeling stuck’ ARE choices…AND, we can choose to say No or ask for help AT ANY TIME!
That’s what’s beautiful about this ‘Being Responsible’ thing: We are ALWAYS at choice. It’s what being Responsible means — Able to Choose a Response.
We can choose to say NO to what doesn’t serve us…and this gives us the space to say YES to – and really enjoy – what matters most to us. Those things are what we LOVE. Those things are what give us energy, meaning and purpose!
So in looking critically at what’s on YOUR proverbial plate, or about to be, what obligations have you feeling resentful or overwhelmed? What are about to take on that has you feeling reluctant? What specifically is it about the task or project has you feeling this way?
You have some choices available to make here:
You can Proceed as Planned (ie. keep going and don’t change anything) and suffer
You can say No to the whole task
You can Make a Request that will meet your needs (ie. asking for help)
In case you were wondering, I opted for a fourth choice and changed my perspective on the task so it felt more fulfilling.
I know saying No and Asking for Help can be challenging for some people – me too , sometimes! If you’d appreciate some ideas, maybe even some scripts, message me, and we can set up time to chat!
Here’s to making space for what matters.